PLEASE what do you think of this short excerpt? Thank you!?

Oct 08, 2010 by LionQueen | Posted in Books & Authors

Question: Honest to any more ... the story she reads a bit like foreshadowing of the main story of my book ... comments on the count and pleease feedback! :)

Girls lying on his stomach, his chin resting on hands, eyes widened with things to do.

Answer: It was captivating until I got to the last paragraph - "the towel draping a blanket over trembling girls' ...? My memory girls slept. Why do they shiver? And what is "the handkerchief of coverage?

old lady | Oct 08, 2010

PLEASE what do you think of this? Thanks :)?

Oct 08, 2010 by LionQueen | Posted in Books & Authors

Question: The girls lay on their stomachs, chins resting on their hands, eyes widened with enthusiasm. “Go on, Cornelia, please?”

She began then, in a voice she kept unobtrusive and soft, not quite keen on waking the rest of the dormitory. “Once, thousands of years

Answer: It's an riveting start/. I have no idea where you are going with this -but that's a good thing because ite means you are not editorial a chliche or predictable story.

old lady | Oct 08, 2010

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What Do I Very Trouble Part 4

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